How do you think about what makes a good conversation
Humans vs Chat GPT
What makes a good conversation?
Who can answer the question above more astutely, humans or machines?
Humans, you can go first, for now at least…
Life is Meeting brought together 20 humans to meet each other face-to-face and engage in a moderated discussion on this very question. We had people of all ages, backgrounds, and ethnicities. We had egg people, onion people, orchids, and dandelions.
George Mason economics professor and Oxford humanities associates Robin Hanson sums up the egg and onion divergence:
I've sometimes been tempted to classify people as egg people and onion people. Onion people have layer after layer after layer. You peel it back, and there's still more layers. You don't really know what's underneath. Whereas egg people, there's a shell, and you get through it, and you see what's on the inside.
In Tom Boyce's extraordinary new book, he explores the "dandelion" child (hardy, resilient, healthy), able to survive and flourish under most circumstances, and the "orchid" child (sensitive, susceptible, fragile), who, given the right support, can thrive as much as, if not more than, other children.
Highlights from the human conversation include:
You could think about a good conversation as one where you learn something from someone else, which then lights the curiosity fire within you. As Bill Nye said, "everybody is an expert in something, so every person you will ever meet knows something you don't."
You could think about a good conversation where all participants listen to each other. This means not thinking about what you will say next when they are speaking. It also means if your mouth is open, you're not learning. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. This makes sense when you realize the average person talks at about 225 words per minute, but we can listen up to 500 words per minute..
You could think about a good conversation as one where people have an open mind and appreciate we all see things differently. For example, look at the picture below.
You could think about a good conversation where duck people and rabbit people learn to see things from the other perspective.
You could think about a good conversation in terms of different levels of conversation.
1. Small Talk
2. Surface-level (how's work, what are your plans for the summer, etc.)
3. Ideas (talking about books, culture, politics, thoughts, etc.)
4. Personal experiences (where it starts to get more vulnerable….)
5. Super intense emotional exchanges (good or bad — think of a break-up, sharing deep trauma, etc.)
You could think about a good conversation as comprised of at least one 'good conversationalist' who can spend time on each level and has the intuition to know which level the other person prefers.
You could think about a good conversation where the context (person and place) matches the level. As we have discussed in the past, context is key.
You could think about a good conversation as one where people don't try and compete over how smart they are or try to win.
You could think about a good conversation in terms of not having a desired outcome. While we get busier, it's easy to forget the value of a conversation for no reason. A conversation that's intentionally unintentional can often lead to better relationships. According to one of the world's longest studies of adult life, good relationships are also all that matter if you want to live a long and happy life.
You could think about a good conversation in terms of leaders speaking last. "How did you become such a good leader?" someone asked Nelson Mandela. "Because I learned to speak last," Mandela succinctly replied. He recalled that as a child, he'd accompanied Jongintaba, the tribal king who raised him, to meetings. Jongintaba would gather his men in a circle at these meetings and wait until they'd all spoken before he spoke. Read more here.
You could think about a good conversation regarding the space and the comfort of being silent. Benjamin Franklin believed silence was helpful because "speaking not but what may benefit others or yourself" could help us avoid trifling conversations. Benjamin Franklin's Virtues.
CHAT GPT’s answer to the same question…
“A good conversation can be defined in many different ways, depending on the context and the individuals involved. However, some general characteristics that make a conversation enjoyable and productive might include:
Active Listening: A good conversation requires both parties to actively listen to each other. This means not just hearing the words being spoken, but also paying attention to the tone, body language, and other nonverbal cues. When both parties are actively engaged in listening, it fosters a sense of mutual respect and understanding.
Asking Good Questions: Asking thoughtful questions is an essential part of a good conversation. It demonstrates curiosity, interest, and a desire to learn more about the other person's thoughts and experiences. Good questions can also help clarify misunderstandings or explore new perspectives.
Being Authentic: A good conversation requires authenticity and honesty from both parties. This means being willing to share your own thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and also being open to hearing the other person's perspective. Authenticity helps create a sense of trust and connection, which is essential for a good conversation.
Showing Empathy: Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. In a good conversation, showing empathy can help build rapport and create a sense of mutual understanding. It involves putting yourself in the other person's shoes, and trying to understand their perspective, even if you don't necessarily agree with it.
Staying Focused: A good conversation requires both parties to stay focused on the topic at hand. This means avoiding distractions and interruptions, and staying engaged with the conversation. Staying focused helps ensure that the conversation is productive and meaningful.
Overall, a good conversation is one that is respectful, authentic, empathetic, and focused. It involves active listening, asking good questions, and being willing to share your own thoughts and experiences. By embodying these characteristics, you can help ensure that your conversations are enjoyable and productive.”